I don’t generally write for a specific demographic because I believe the wisdom I impart is universal. It transcends age, race, and gender. (I’m trying to keep a straight face.) But just this once I’d like to address men between the ages of sixteen and sixtyone.

I have an important message for you. Although there are forty-five years between the two ages, surprisingly, there really is no discernible difference between them. Your future is better than you think. Do not fear it. Don’t worry. You’re going to be fine. Here’s why.

16: You parents tell you that getting a motorcycle is out of the question.

61: Your wife tells you that getting a motorcycle is out of the question.

16: You tell you parents, siblings, teachers, and friends what to do because you have all the answers.

61: You tell your kids, grandkids, siblings, coworkers, and friends what to do because you have all the answers.

16: You don’t exercise or eat right because you think you are invincible.

61: You don’t exercise or eat right because you know you are not invincible.

16: You are thinking of your future in regards to what your career will be and ideas about someday starting a family.

61: You and your wife are thinking about retiring from your careers and moving to another state away from your family.

16: You’re starting to shave

61: You’re starting to shave your ears.

16: On the first day of your high school football tryouts, you are tackled so hard that you hurt your back. Your doctor recommends that you NOT play football.

61: You join a sixty and over softball league, and you hurt your back while taking practice swings in the on deck circle. Your doctor recommends that you NOT play softball.

16: You can stay up all night talking to friends, playing games, and chatting on the computer.

61: You can stay up all night pacing because you have a sleep disorder which is fine because you’d be waking up to go to the bathroom anyway.

16: If you are naked and get interrupted by someone, modesty dictates that you would hurriedly throw on pants.

61: If you are naked and get interrupted by someone, modesty dictates that you would hurriedly throw on a shirt.

16: You are eagerly studying the rules of the road so you can pass your driver’s license exam.

61: You are sitting in a room on a Saturday morning for traffic school studying the rules of the road so you can get your license back.

16: You like to listen to your music at a high volume.

61: You have to listen to your music at a high volume.

16: You spend too much time watching television

61: You spend too much time watching reruns of the same shows you watched when you were sixteen.

16: You are angry because everything in the culture is geared to