I should have written American history. You know, the kind that tells how things were a long time ago, in America. Not much was recorded then and that is the beauty of it. I could say anything I want to. Who’s to know? I read that one old boy after extensive research (about 5 minutes) writes that there were no chickens in early America. At least not before Columbus in 1492. Of course, some other good old boy immediately called him out on this. He claims chickens came to America in 1300. He claims that the Indians from Peru brought them in with them in their migration to the promised land at that time.

I say they are all wrong. Just use your head once in a while. I have Indian blood in me myself and I ask this: Can you imagine any respectable Indian family without a few chickens scratching around in the yard. Ever? Can you just imagine how you could plan your Sunday’s Dinner if you couldn’t have chicken? Of course not. I remember well my own Indian Grandma Julia who, when reminded that company was coming Sunday, almost immediately ordering my Uncle Ezra, “Son, go kill me some fryers for Sunday.” No questions asked. No roast beef ever suggested. Just some good old fat fryers.

Besides, the busy chickens were attractive yard decor. They paid for their upkeep by keeping the grounds policed of grass and weeds. And too, Indians didn’t have pigs in ancient times, or did they? Oh well, we all know the Europeans brought swine too. Perhaps we should hire someone to research this too. Who knows? Maybe they were on the beach oinking their glee while watching Columbus make his big discovery in 1492.

The same researcher (or was that someone else?) claim there was no such thing as horses in America when Columbus arrived. Astounding news indeed. I cannot for an instant imagine my ancient relatives getting around like they did, afoot. No way! Besides, we all know Indians like to whoop it up. How on earth can anyone whoop it up without a horse. And those ancient migrations the Indians allegedly made from Point A to Point B. Think about this. How would our ancestors go on any kind of respectable warpath without a single horse! I find the thought of it laughable.

“Whooping it up” may have become something of a lost art but I can well remember as a kid when an Indian would come to town and whoop it up a bit. Later on the proud warriors made the transition over to the automobile with an ease that’s hard to explain. But I know they would still prefer to “whoop” on the back of a horse — not some old Ford or Chevy. Especially on Saturday nights. Next thing they will be trying to tell us there weren’t any Saturday nights in ancient days.

The old Spaniard’s who were thought to have brought this horse idea to America weren’t very careful with their security. Thus, it was and is believable that they inadvertently introduced the horse to the Indians who were said to have stolen them. Another wild thought that has gone historic and to cast into history the idea that my ancestors were thieves is just another wild concoction of the Europeans who enjoyed defining our Indians as savages.

On a somewhat more serious vein, it is now known that many of our ideas of Indian folklore, history and about all things about Indians are not correct. Anthropologists are not listened to when they speak of the “real” origin of these “First Americans.” Their cultures and wild swings in population are only now being defined scientifically. And who is to say these newer postulations are any more correct than those put forth on the silver screen of the old Main Theatre over at Stonewall every Saturday afternoon? A chicken in every yard? Why not?

And now about a more topical item, don’t forget that April 9th is Easter Sunday. We all need to be in our churches every Sunday. And if you happen to be an Indian, you can have chicken afterward.

Wayne Bullard, DPh

cwaynebullard@gmail.com