Welcome back to Eyewitness News. It’s time for a check on sports with our sports anchor, Tim Jones. Tim, what’s happening in your world?

Thanks, Tina. Love your purple medical mask, by the way. Matches your shoes. Howdy, everybody. A lot to get to in today’s jam-packed look at sports. Just because, thanks to the Coronavirus, there’s no baseball, basketball, hockey, football, NASACAR, Olympics, soccer, golf, horse racing, track & field, boxing, volleyball, rugby, cycling, bowling, gymnastics, figure skating, badminton, or Australian Rules shuffleboard happening—which have all been cancelled through August 2023—that doesn’t mean there’s no sports to report. So, let’s get started!

In tennis, 47-year-old Arnold Schwimmer defeated 53-year-old Ben Dankleworth of Westerville, OH, 6-3, 6-2, in their weekly tennis outing. Ben attributed his disappointing performance to a whopping hangover. “Being trapped at home for 24 hours at a time, I have only two choices: talk with my wife or drink. Guess which one I picked?”

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, several sporting events were moved indoors to home venues. In Parkersbutg, WV, Ralph Romano squared off against his 7-year-old daughter Lily, for the Romano Family World Championship of Jump Roping. Lily completed an impressive person best of 32 jumps. Her dad fell way short of her mark, succumbing after only 5 rope revolution. Somehow, he got tangled in the rope and did a face plant into the family room coffee table. I regret to report that the lava lamp suffered a direct hit and could not be salvaged.

In fishing news, longtime angler Harley Dickinson from Moose Lake, MN, went trawling with his buddy Herb. His wife Agnes cautioned them to practice safe social distancing in light of the pandemic. “We’ll be fine,” Harley insisted. “We’ll sit back-to-back in the boat.” It appeared that Harley might break the record for the largest fish ever caught on Moose Lake Lake, as he prepared to reel in a 6-foot, 200-pound sturgeon. That is, until the sturgeon tugged back and hauled Harley overboard.

Checking out hoops news, 13-year-old Wilbur Douglas, playing for Duke, beat his twin brother Orville, representing Kentucky, in the living room finals of the National Nerf Basketball Tournament. Duke had a comfortable lead of 37-21 at halftime but lost 59-57 in the final seconds, thanks to a last second buzzer beater by the Wildcat’s star player, Orville. In a show of poor sportsmanship, none of the Duke players shook hands with the Kentucky squad after the game. As a result, in a first for a major collegiate basketball program, Duke lost all cell phone privileges for a day.

In a surprising announcement, the 2020 Tokyo Summer Olympics will indeed go on. Okay, technically, the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Playstation 4 video game version. This year, 11-year-old Eamon Whittaker from Monroeville, PA, competes against highly respected challengers from six countries, including the always formidable 13-year-old Victor Muller from Dusseldorf, Germany.

In Day One, Eamon was slightly in the lead in the medal count until his mother told him he had to “turn of the computer and come to dinner this instant or you’ll be doing dishes for a month.” He tried to go for another gold under the table using his iPhone but was busted. The IOC president (Eamon’s mom) has banned him for future competition for testing positive for stupid.

Martha Gladstone of Bozeman, MT, competing in a sport that has skyrocketed in popularity lately, defeated 17 other challengers in the Kroger