I was going thru my files this past week to find some Easter items I wanted to share with our readers.

The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. Here is what he wrote:

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas.

The Bible says, “The Lord thy God is one,” but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, “Give me a light!” and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden . . . Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him; but, they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had ason named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.

Then, he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor they father and they mother.

One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the fi rst Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise; but, that doesn’t sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets; but, I guess we don’t have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, “Close the door! Were you born in a barn?” It would be nice to say, “As a matter of fact, I was.”)

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the republicans.

Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins; then, came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

—CC—

On a more serious note, one of my friends shared a couple of interesting articles about Easter. The Origins of Easter Sunday

Easter takes place on a different Sunday each year. In western Christianity, Easter follows the Gregorian calendar and is thus considered a “movable feast” that is always celebrated between March 22 and April 25. Eastern Orthodox Christianity adheres to the Julian calendar, so Easter will fall on a Sunday between April 4 and May 8 each year. In 2022, the western Christian Easter celebration occurs on April 17 and the Eastern Orthodox Easter is observed on April 24.

Easter is the most important celebration on the Christian liturgical calendar. While commemorations of Jesus Christ’s resurrection likely occurred earlier, the earliest recorded observance of an Easter celebration was in the second century, according to Britannica.

Initial Easter celebrations weren’t known as “Easter,” which is a word that was borrowed from Pagan spring celebrations of Eostre, the goddess of spring and fertility. It only became associated with Christian usage later on—long after biblical scripture was written. In fact, the word “Easter” only appears in one Bible, the King James Version. But it is likely the word was used as a translation of pascha, or Passover, and not what has come to be known as Christian Easter.

The earliest Easter celebrations were a version of Passover. According to leading Sabbath scholar Professor Samuele Bacchiocchi, Christians universally kept Passover on the biblical date of Nisan until 135 A.D. Early commemorations focused on the crucifi xion, and the pain and suffering of Jesus. Bacchiocchi says that eventually the resurrection emerged as the dominant reason for the celebration that would be known as Easter, and also as the main message of weekly Christian Sunday masses. By the fourth century, the Easter Vigil and celebration were well-established and a symbol of joyful anticipation of the resurrection.

Easter is now celebrated annually by faithful Christians. While Easter is not mentioned in the Bible, scripture depictions helped shape the holiday that would become an integral component of the Christian faith.

—CC—

Easter egg Hunts and Other Eggceptional Traditions

Easter is celebrated in various ways. Traditional religious commemorations include Saturday evening Easter vigils and Sunday morning Resurrection masses. Parents may spend Easter weekend putting the fi nishing touches on Easter Bunny baskets, and many families favor a combination of traditions.

Since religious as well as secular imagery and traditions have melded to form the Easter most individuals recognize today, a mix of customs may be part of your Easter festivities. Among them will be colored eggs, egg hunts and possibly even egg rolls. Just how was the Easter egg tradition hatched?

Pre-Christian societies

Before Christianity was as widespread as it is in modern times, many societies associated eggs with spring and new life. Many birds and animals lay eggs early in spring, and these eggs tend to hatch upon the arrival of the warm weather, budding fl owers and buzzing insects.

Ancient Persians are believed to have painted eggs for Nowruz, their new year celebration that would fall on the spring equinox each year.

Eggs also have been part of Passover celebrations. A hard-boiled egg dipped in salt water is served at a Passover seder, symbolizing both new life away from oppression and the Passover sacrifi ce at the Temple in Jerusalem, according to Chabad.org.

Lent, Christianity and eggs

In medieval times, eating eggs was forbidden during Lent, when both dairy and meat were avoided. To reduce waste, eggs laid during Lent were boiled or preserved in some way.

The fast ended on Easter Sunday, and eggs became, once again, important, and nutritious staples-especially for poor families that couldn’t afford much meat. Eggs also were given to the church by medieval English villagers and also to the lords of the manor. Royals eventually got in on the act, and decorated eggs were distributed to the household in a tradition that was one of the earliest to include eggs.

Egg hunts and more

Some historians suggest that egg hunts can be traced back to German Protestant reformer Martin Luther, who organized egg hunts for his congregation. The men would hide the eggs for the women and children to fi nd. This symbolized the story of Christ’s resurrection, when the tomb was discovered by women. The eggs also represented Jesus’ new life and his emergence from the tomb.

Egg hunts are not the only egg-related games that were hatched for Easter celebrations. According to the website Learn Religions, some European children go from house-to-house begging for Easter eggs, like children may ask for treats on Halloween. The custom is called “Pace-egging,” a term derived from the old word for Easter, “Pasch.” Egg rolls also are symbolic of rolling away the stone from Christ’s tomb. Various countries have their own rules on egg rolls. In Germany, for example, children roll their eggs down a track made from sticks.

Easter eggs are an integral symbol of the holiday that hold both secular and religious meaning.

—CC—

And last of all, a very unusual Easter recipe that I had never heard of . . .

Celebrate Passover with Homemade Charoset

Passover is steeped in tradition. Many of these traditions involve symbolic foods which tell the story of the Israelites and their miraculous exodus from Egyptian slavery.

One such food is charoset (also spelled haroset), which symbolized the mortar the Israelites used to build bricks when they were slaves in Egypt. Charoset is a fruit relish used on small sandwiches made from matzoh and bitter herbs. The bittersweet taste is supposed to teach the bitterness of bondage and the sweetness of freedom.

Passover celebrants can make their own charoset by following this recipe, courtesy of Israel My Glory magazine.

Charoset—Makes 15 tablespoons

1 large apple, any variety

½ cup chopped nuts

2 tablespoons honey

1 teaspoon cinnamon

Small amount of lemon juice (optional)

The easiest method is to put the apples and nuts into a food processor and pulse until fi nely diced. Sprinkle enough lemon juice on the mixture to keep the apples from turning brown. Then mix in the other ingredients. Some people also mix in a little grape juice or wine. The recipe is very forgiving, so the measurements do not have to be exact.