Quote of the Week…..“May your troubles in the coming New Year be as short lived as your resolutions.” —CC—We have entered into a New Year and how we use the time God gives us is our choice everyday. As Barbara Johnson writes, “we can count blessings, or we can count calamities.” “We can count blessings or we can count life’s blows and burdens.” It is our choice. The following poem is from a Wichita, Kansas, church newsletter.

WE CHOOSE . . . We choose how we shall live; Courageously or in cowardice, Honorably or dishonorably, With purpose or in drift. We decide what is important And what is trivial in life. We decide that what makes us signifi cant Is either what we do or refuse to do . . . WE DECIDE.WE CHOOSE. And as we decide and as we choose, So, our lives are formed . . .

—CC—This is the time of year many decide to start a diet. I recently found one that I believe I could stay on.

When you’re dieting, there is nothing easier than rationalizing why it might be okay to eat “just one” and then a few more, even though you know the stuff is loaded with grams of fat and tons of calories. In my own collection of dieter’s rationalizations is the following list of “calories that don’t count.”

1. Food on Foot. All food eaten while standing has no calories. Exactly why is not clear, but the current theory relates to gravity. The calories apparently bypass the stomach fl owing directly down the legs, and through the soles of the feet into the floor, like electricity. Walking appears to accelerate this process, so that an ice cream bar or hot dog eaten at the state fair actually has a calorie defi cit.

2. TVFood. Anything eaten in front of the TV has no calories. This may have something to do with radiation leakage, which negates not only the calories in the food but all recollections of having eaten it.

3. Uneven Edges. Pies and cakes should be cut neatly, in even wedges or slices. If not, the responsibility falls on the person putting them away to “straighten up the edges” by slicing away the offending irregularities, which have no calories when eaten.

4. Balanced Food. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.

5. Left-Handed Food. If you have a glass of punch in your right hand, anything eaten with the other hand has no calories. Several principles are at work here. First of all, you’re probably standing up at a wedding reception (see Food on Foot). Then there’s the electronic field: A wet glass in one hand forms a negative charge to reverse the polarity of the calories attracted to the other hand. It’s not quite

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known how it works, but it’s reversible if you’re left-handed.

6. Food for Medicinal Purposes. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts. This includes hot chocolate, malted milk, toast, and Sara Lee cheesecake.

7. Whipped Cream, Sour Cream, Butter. These all act as a poultice that actually “draws out” the calories when placed on any food, leaving them calorie-free. Afterward, you can eat the poultice, too, as all calories are neutralized by it.

8. Food on Toothpicks. Sausage, mini-franks, cheese, and crackers are all fattening UNLESS impaled on frilled toothpicks. The insertion of a sharp object allows the calories to leak out the bottom.

9. Children’s Food. Anything produced, purchased, or intended for minors is calorie-free when eaten by adults. This category covers a wide range, beginning with a spoonful of baby-food custard, consumed for demonstration purposes, up to and including cookies baked to send to college.

10. Charitable Foods. Girl Scout cookies, bake-sale cakes, ice-cream socials, and church strawberry festivals all have a religious dispensation from calories.

11. Custom-Made Food. Anything somebody makes “just for you” must be eaten regardless of the calories, because to do otherwise would be uncaring and insensitive. Your kind intentions will not go unrewarded.

—CC—Some of us that are senior citizens can appreciate the following story. . . .

Today I heard a story about an elderly widow and widower who lived in a mobile home park in Florida. They had known each other for years and had become good friends. But each had a senior moment that nearly broke up their budding romance! One evening during a community supper in the activity center, the two were seated across from each other at the same table. During the course of the meal, the man cast a few admiring glances as the woman. She returned his attention with shy smiles. Finally, he gathered enough courage to ask her an important question. “Will you marry me?” After a few seconds of careful consideration, she responded. “Yes. Yes, I will.” The meal ended with more pleasant exchanges. They said good night and each went home. The next morning, the man awakened feeling troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’? he pondered aloud. “I can’t recall!” He didn’t have even a faint memory of the woman’s response. Embarrassed, he reached for the telephone and dialed her number. She answered and he quickly explained that he was no longer remembering things as well as he used to. He hoped she’d be patient with him. “I enjoyed our time together at the dinner,” he said, “but one thing puzzles me. When I asked you to marry me, did you say, ‘Yes,’ or ‘No’?”

“Why, I said yes, yes, I will,’ and I meant it with all my heart,” the woman replies. “And I am so glad you called,” she continued, “because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”

—CC—And speaking of age here is my favorite story of the week . . .

A few days before her 40^th birthday, Carl’s wife mentioned how much she’d love to be ten again. So, on the big day, Carl made her a big stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her childhood favorite. Then, he took her to the playground to feed the ducks. Next, they headed to the amusement park to ride the merry-go-round and eat snow cones.

That night, he served her a dinner of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches eaten in a fort made of blankets draped over the dining room table. This was followed by a cake with, “Happy 10^th Birthday” written in frosting on the top.

Thoroughly pleased with himself, but aware that his wife had been kind of quiet throughout the day, Carl asked her, “So honey, did you enjoy being a kid for a day?”

His wife answered, “Thanks so much, but I meant a size 10.”