SMILES…

I had amnesia once… or twice Protons have mass. I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

I am neither for nor against apathy.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

What is a “free gift”? Aren’t all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible… and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not so sure.

How can there be self-help groups?

Is it just me or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Is the ʽsʼ: or ʽcʼ in ʽ scentʼ silent?

Why does fridge have a “D” in it, but refrigerator doesn’t?

Why can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

The word queue is just a Q followed by four silent letters… Why is a W called “double-u” when it’s clearly a “double v”?

I did some financial planning, and it looks like I can retire at 65 and live comfortably for 11 minutes.

We all know that mirrors don’t lie… I’m just grateful that they don’t laugh.

DID YOU EVER

WONDER WHY?

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE 2. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!)

3. OK ..... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the ‘Jags’ and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the ‘Bucs,’ what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

6. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

7. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

9. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

10. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

11. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

12. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

13. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

14. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they’re cramming for their final exam.

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

17. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

18. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

19. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

20. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

21. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

22. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ... ‘THEIRS’?

—CC— HIS AND HER DIARIES…

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.

We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I thought he was upset by the fact that I was a bit late, but he said nothing about it.

I asked him what was wrong, He said, “Nothing.” I asked him if it was something I had done. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, and again he said nothing. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m sure his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

Motorcycle wouldn’t start, can’t figure out why.

—CC—

Last of all, our quote of the week… Money may be the husk of many things, but not the kernel. It brings you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintances, but not friends; servants, but not faithfulness; days of joy, but not peace and happiness.