—CC—

You Know You’ve Had a Rough Day When… You drive into the repair shop, and your mechanic starts singing “I’m in the Money.”

The deduction from the raise you just got is so big that you have to take a second job to replace the money you lost.

You tell the salesclerk you are looking for a potholder and she directs you to the girdle department.

You are contemplating lining the rim of your boss’s coffee cup with Super Glue.

You can’t avoid the speeding ticket by flirting or crying because the police officer is a woman.

You eat an entire batch of brownies because you feel that “you deserve it.”

After you drive home from work, you rip the “Have a Happy Day” bumper sticker off your car.

You Know It’s a Bad Day When… You turn on the morning TV news, and they’re displaying emergency routes out of the city.

Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat.

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

Your horn gets stuck when you’re following a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

Your pet rock snaps at you.

You call your answering service, and they tell you it’s none of your business.

Your income-tax check bounces.

You wake up to discover that your waterbed has broken, and then you remember you don’t have a waterbed.

Your bar of Ivory soap sinks.

—CC—

My son and I have officiated at many funeral services over the years. During those times there have been some very memorable moments. However, my favorite “funeral story” was shared by Mary Hollinsworth… I’ll Be Seeing You

My friend Lee Nelson is a funeral director for a prestigious chain of funeral homes in our area. One day he received a death call and went to pick up a deceased woman at a local hospital. The next day the woman’s family came in to make arrangements for her funeral.

Lee described this family as “less than sophisticated” and related what happened as he was assisting them in making the final choices for their mother’s service.

“Do you have an article of jewelry or clothing that you would like to have put on your mother during the service and then moved before the interment?” asked Lee.

Thinking for a moment, the daughter said, “Yes… yes I do.” And she began digging around in her purse while Lee waited patiently.

Finally, she opened a small change purse and took something out, holding it out to Lee in her closed hand. Lee held out his hand, expecting to see a necklace or some other piece of jewelry, but when he opened his hand, the dead woman’s glass eye was staring at him.

Shocked and a little repulsed, Lee quietly put the glass eye down on the desk, stood up slowly, and said, “Would you please excuse me for a minute?” Then he left the room to try and recompose himself.

Out in the lobby of the funeral home, he related what had happened to his supervisor and the receptionist, and they all had a good laugh. Lee said it took him about 10 minutes to regain his composure so he could go back into the office and help the family finish arrangements.

He walked down the hall and had his hand on the office door doorknob when his supervisor stopped him.

With a serious look on his face, he said, “Lee, did the family tell you what the mother’s final words were?”

“No,” said Lee. “She said, ‘I’ll keep an eye out for you!’” Lee said it took him another ten minutes to recover from that remark before he could face the family again and complete his task.