My dear friend the late Kenny Conn sent me the following “advice” a few years back. The older we get, the more confused we get about how we present ourselves.

We’re unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashion. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo’s and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Short shorts and varicose veins

12. Inline skates a walker And last but not least, my personal favorite:

13. Thongs and depends Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in you mind when you shop.

—CC—

And last of all, my favorite story of the week… Older women have a sense of humor about their mature husbands. One was telling her friend about her husband’s unexplained and mysterious disappearance: “I haven’t seen him for a week,” she said. “I went to the police to describe him and told them all about him - he’d lost his hair, his eyesight was gone, he didn’t have many teeth. In fact, I told