Some of the things that happen related to church can be rather humorous as are some inadvertently misworded media reports and classified advertisements. Let’s take a light-hearted peek at a variety of hilarious flied found in the otherwise staid church ointment.

For example, a Baptist church in Rome, Georgia, publishes their Women of the Church News. One headline blandly informed the congregation: “Spiritual growth will be postponed until September.”

“God is alive and well,” read the sign in front of a Baptist church in Chicago. Immediately under this wonderful news was printed this bit of information: “Visiting Hours: Twice on Sunday and Wednesday Evening.”

A church in Enid, Oklahoma, proved once again that Baptists can smile when they ran this bulletin blurb regarding their men’s dinner: “All members are requested to bring their wives and one other covered dish.”

South Carolina’s Greenville News made this astute observation about the state’s changing rural church scene: “In Hartsville a few years ago, half the people attended church, but today only 50 percent do.”

The classified section of Leslie, Michigan’s Local-Republican ran this unique advertisement: “Wanted: Men, women, and children to sit in slightly used pews Sunday mornings 10 a.m. at Leslie Methodist Church.”

Urgently in need of sleeping cars, the Erie Railroad inserted this advertisement in one of their trade journals: “300 sleepers wanted. At once!” A short time later the company received a letter from the minister of a Baptist church in Greenback, Tennessee, offering his entire congregation!

This astounding Orwellian announcement appeared in the weekly bulletin of a Methodist church in Andover, Connecticut: “Children’s Day will be observed next Sunday. Any parents wishing to have children at this time must see the minister not later than Friday.”

The Ninth Avenue Baptist Church in Port Arthur, Texas, believes in getting right to the point! From their bulletin: “Our Sunday school is growing slowly but surly [surely].”

Here’s how an advertisement was worded in the St. Louis Post Dispatch: “How long since you spoke to God? Call . . .”

The Downtown Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia, once had this sign clearly posted outside: “Church Parking Only. Violators will be baptized.”

The New City Lutheran Church offered a special service on the first Sunday of each month. According to the Rockland County New York, Journal News, it’s called “Holy Communism [Communion].”

Huntington, Indiana’s; Herald Press ran this startling announcement concerning a meeting of the Women’s Missionary Union: “Mrs. Florence S. presided and opened the meeting with a poem. The Lord’s Prayer was then read and approved.”

Here’s a headline that may be telling us something. According to the Atlanta Constitution: “Reverend Martin Resigns, Church Attendance Doubles.”

The Free Press in Saginaw, Michigan, ran an interesting story on How a generous Baptist gentleman had “donated a new loud-speaker to his church in fond memory of his wife.”

Even restaurants get in on the act. This sign was seen on the window of a Denver, Colorado, restaurant: “Charcoal Broiled Whale Steak—Free to Anyone Named Jonah!”

Speaking of church, Mark Kelly writes that it was his son’s first year of religious studies, and already his six-year-old son was debating the teacher.

When told, “God made everything,” Michael quickly stood up. “God does not make everything,” he insisted. “Most things are made in China.”

One of the things I miss about the ‘good old days’ is our local ice plant. As a kid I would often go to the plant to watch them put the blocks of ice in the giant grinder. I would sometimes be with my dad when he purchased the large block of ice to put into his water can.

I an also remember when we had an ‘ice box,’ not a refrigerator.

Carl Zebrowski also remembers those days and writes . . .

I didn’t know anybody on our street who had a refrigerator,” Doreen Simpson recalled from her younger days during the war. “We all had iceboxes and waited for the iceman to walk up the steps with a block of ice every week.”

“Did everybody have a refrigerator in the ‘40s, or were we just poor?” Simpson wondered. No, her family was normal. Refrigerators had been around for a couple of decades by then, and millions of Americans had them. But that was only a fraction of America’s 3.5 million American households. It wasn’t until the ‘50s that refrigerators would be taken for granted.

In the meantime, most everyone had an icebox, a wooden chest a few feet tall, lined with tin or zinc on the inside and insulated in between with straw or sawdust. A compartment on top held a block of ice, and a rubber hose ran from there to a pan underneath the icebox to drain off what melted. Less perishable goods, such as produce, filled the icebox’s upper shelves, while meat and milk occupied the bottom, where the colder air settled.

Using ice to store food, as well as to chill drinks, was an old idea. The ancients did it, harvesting snow and ice from mountains and preserving it in underground pits. The first full-blown ice business was started in 1805 in Boston by Frederick “Ice King” Tudor. Tudor harvested ice from rivers and lakes in the winter months, sawing out blocks once the surface froze to a thickness of about a foot and a half. The harvested ice was taken for storage through the warm months to nearby icehouses, which usually were underground to take advantage of the naturally cooler temperatures.

Artificial ice manufacture began in 1845 with a machine invented by dr. John Gorrie of Florida, and the first commercial facility opened in New Orleans in 1868. Plants bloomed all over in the nineteenteens. The typical plant was a sprawling onestory structure with three rooms, one for ice-making machines, one for water tanks, and one for ice storage. About three days into the freezing process, a 300-pound block about four feet long by one foot tall by one foot wide was rock solid. A sawing machine then scored a dozen or so quarter inchdeep lines on the top and bottom of each block so a deliveryman could more easily break it down for sale.

All this happened out of sight and out of mind of the housewife. She simply put a sign in her front window to let her local iceman know whether or not she needed ice and, if so, how much— say, 25, 50, 75, or 100 pounds. The iceman began his delivery rounds in his truck or pushcart before dawn, so he stood a better chance of finishing before the afternoon sun started working against him; the large blocks of ice loaded in the back were insulated only by a covering of quilts or burlap. Ice delivery was a physically demanding and all-comsuming job that often required work seven days a week and on holidays. Many openings were filled by immigrants, who could least afford to be choosy. Whoever did the work, he could be excused from the military draft due to the essential nature of his job.

The iceman drove through the neighborhood with an eye out for the signs in the windows. When he stopped for a customer, he headed to the back of his vehicle, lifted the insulating material, and jammed his ice pick into one of the scored lines on a block of ice a few times until the portion he needed broke off, leaving a fresh pile of chips behind. “He’d cover one shoulder with a doubled-over burlap sack to soak up the melt and on hot days, hand me a chip that tasted of burlap sacks and quilts to suck on,” remembered Herbert Lobsenz, a wartime New York City kid. “He’d pick up the 50-pound block with his tongs, swing it to his shoulder, and holding the tons by one handle, put his other hand on his hip and skip up the steps of a stoop nimbly as a mountain goat.” He would deposit the block in the icebox and collect his payment.

When the war ended, wartime manufacturing facilities were converted to making civilian products, particularly household appliances. It wasn’t long before even the poorest family had a refrigerator. The days of the iceman had passed.

The only thing I have left from the icebox days is a pair of ice tongs.

And last of all….

A friend sent us a test the other day and asked us how many we knew without sneaking a peek at the answers. We enjoyed the test, because it brought back a few memories. Hope you enjoy it, too.

1. After the lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, “Who was that masked man?” Invariably, someone would answer, “I don’t know, but he left this behind.” What did he leave behind?

2. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The ________________ show.

3. “Get your kicks, _______________________.

4. “The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to _____________.”

5. “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ___________________”

6. After the Twist, the Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we danced under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the ______________.”

7. “N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestle’s makes the very best ________________.”

8. Satchmo was America’s “Ambassador of Goodwill.” Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ______________________.

9. What take a licking and keeps on ticking?

10. Red Skelton’s hobo character was named _____________and Red always ended his television show by saying, “Good night, and __________________.”

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their ____________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ________&___________.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about “the day the music died.” That was a tribute to _________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

15. One of the big fads of the 1950s and 1960s was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called _________________.

ANSWERS

1. The Lone Ranger left a silver bullet.

2. The Ed Sullivan Show.

3. On Route 66.

4. To protect the innocent.

5. The Lions Sleeps Tonight.

6. The Limbo.

7. Chocolate.

8. Louis Armstrong.

9. The Timex watch.

10. Freddy, the Freeloader, and “Good Night and God Bless.”

11. Draft cards (bras were also burned) but no fl ags were burned.