People of the Black Pen
My friend Debbie told me a story about her father that warmed my heart and stopped me cold. Here’s the basic story as she related it:
My father grew up in a home where his father was an alcoholic and he had to quit school to provide for his family because his dad drank most of what he earned. My father made the most of his limited opportunities and had a career as a postal carrier, faithfully serving his customers for decades. He carried a postal service pen with him on his route so customers could sign for packages he delivered and when he came home after work he would empty his pockets on his dresser and place that pen among his items for the next day. “Do not use that black pen”, he warned us kids. “That pen belongs to the government and it is not to be used for us.”
Debbie said she never used the black pen and no one in the family did either. They understood to use that pen would, essentially, be stealing from the government. It was solemn lesson in integrity she has carried with her through the years. Even in the seemingly small things.
I love that story because it illustrates the core meaning of the word “integrity”. Remember in middle school math when we learned about “integers”? Those were “whole numbers” and that’s the root of integrity. It means to be a “whole person”. Not two faced.
Former NFL coach Tony Dungy says “Integrity is what you do when no one is watching; it’s doing the right thing all the time, even when it may work to your disadvantage. Some people think reputation is the same thing as integrity, but they are two different things. Others determine your reputation, but only you determine your integrity.”
So how do we become “people of the black pen”—like Debbie’s dad? Here are four steps I often talk about in ethics seminars: Define, Align, Progress, Assess.
“Define” your standards of behavior. What principles are going to guide your life? Are you going to fudge the lines? Tolerate a little lying or none at all? Write down what your own—and your family’s--personal standards are going to be.
“Align” your conduct with what you say your standards are. If you say you’re going to be honest, begin lining up your conduct so you act with honesty all the time. Stay with it, even when you fail. It’s a process.
“Progress” means proceed. You begin living your life like a person of integrity. You live as you want to be remembered in your obituary. Practice what you preach.
“Assess” calls for you to periodically review how you’re doing. Be tough on yourself and the world will be infinitely easier on you. As you find areas where you’ve messed up, correct the mistake and start again.
I want to be like Debbie’s dad. A person of integrity who impresses its importance on the next generation. Will you join me as “people of the black pen”?