Family Talk By Jim Priest Jim Priest Is Ceo Of Goodwill Industries Of Central Oklahoma And Can Be Reached At Jpriest@okgoodwill.org.

I gotta admit, I don’t read the professional journal Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences. Frankly, all three of those words kinda intimidate me. But a recent research paper released in that publication caught my eye with its daunting title:

Gendered perspectives on sharing the load: Men’s and women’s attitudes toward family roles and household and childcare tasks.

That’ a mouthful, but the takeaway is this. According to scientific polling men tend to do “manly chores” like fixing the car or mowing the lawn because they like to do those things and the woman in their lives likes them to do those things. Similarly, women do many more “household” chores, in part because they either enjoy doing them or feel they do them better than their male spouse. The authors conclude that this division of labor isn’t necessarily the result of sexism but gender preferences.

At least that’s what the surveys suggested. My own semi-scholarly research yields a different perspective.

First, women work longer and harder around the home than men, regardless of whether the women have a full-time job or not. A study performed last year by Oxfam and the Institute for Women’s Policy Research indicated women in the United States spend two more hours a day working in the home than men. Men tend to overestimate how much time they spend doing chores and underestimate how much time their spouse spends on household duties.

My semi scholarly research also leads me to conclude that men more often have “weekly” chores (e.g. mowing the lawn) and women tend to have more “daily chores” and even when chores are supposedly divided up by mutual agreement, women carry a heavier load.

A wide-ranging survey of a few well chosen friends of mine also reveals not enough appreciation is expressed for what gets done around the house. This cuts both ways but women tend to express appreciation more to the men than the other way around. When was the last time you complimented your spouse on how shiny the windows were or expressed gratitude for a great home cooked meal?

Finally, an observation I’ve made over the years is that the division of labor has a significant impact on the satisfaction level of the relationship, especially for women. For example, in one study women were happier if their man shared the dishwashing duties but were discontent if they did the dishes solo. I remember stumbling across this truth in my own marriage.

Years ago I was cleaning out our garage. The work was hot and sweaty and dirty. At one point my wife stuck her head out the door to see how I was doing and when she saw my half finished work said, “It’s so sexy when you do cleaning!” What?! Why was I not told this in a premarital training class? Why had it taken me ten years to discover this truth? Give me two more brooms and another mop! Needless to say, from that day on I did a lot more cleaning.

I later found out there is research to back up my experience. According to a study conducted by Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington, wives are more likely to be “in the mood” when men help out with the housework. Women feel it is a sign of love and caring when men assist with chores so they are more sexually attracted to their mates.

Clearly, this research has not received enough publicity. I think men understanding this could be the key to solving many major problems. Not only would marriages improve but our national debt would decline, Congress would be more unified, and political division would be healed if only all men understood when they help with household chores they’re not only being helpful, they’re also being sexy.

It’s worth a shot.