My dad was an outstanding athlete in school. To say the least, I was not. The following story reminded me of what dad might have done if he had thought about it.

A little boy was so bad at sports that after half a season in Little League, his father traded him to another team for $10 and a child to be born later.

Speaking of my father, He spoke at many funerals and some of them were very challenging. I also thought of him when I read the following . . .

A Pastor officiating at a funeral started his remarks by saying, “We are gathered here today to pay homage to a good man. He was a kind man, a man loved by everyone, a man who treasured his family as they did him.”

The widow of the deceased leaned over to her grandson and whispered, “Sweetheart, go up and make sure it’s your grandpa in that coffin.”

Many of us can identify with the following . . .

On Getting More Mature

* When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

* To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.

* Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

* It’s the start of a brand-new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles. * The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

* When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring

to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

* I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

* I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

* Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.

* If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”

* When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

* I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

* I run like the winded.

* I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.

* When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

* When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

* I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

* When I ask for directions, please, don’t use words like “east.”

* Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.

* Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops. * My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

And last of all my favorite story of the week . . . Did you hear about the big game hunter who took his wife and his mother-in-law on safari?

One morning, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Immediately, she woke her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.

Suddenly, they broke into a clearing, and there was the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!

“Quick, darling,” the wife shouted, frantically. “Do something!”

“Oh, no,” the husband said. “That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!”