Overheard…

A local wife was heard saying to her husband that she would like something shiny that would go from 0 – 200 in ten seconds for her 25th wedding anniversary. We later heard that he bought her a bathroom scale. We have not seen him since that time.

—CC—

Quote of the week…

“I’m at the age when my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12 while body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.”

—CC— How Many Cows?

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and Hermes tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Bud looked at the man, who obviously was a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answered, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his laptop, connected to his iPhone, and surfed to a NASA page on the Internet, where he called up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which then scanned the area in an ultra- high- resolution photo. He then exported the photo to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, the image was processed, and the data stored. Finally, he printed out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech miniaturized LaserJet, turned to Bud and said, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” said Bud. He watched the young man select one of the animals and looked on with amusement as he stuffed it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud said to the young man. “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?” The young man thought about it for a second and then said, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a Member of Congress,” said Bud. “Wow! That’s correct” said the young man, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guess required,” answered Bud. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars’ worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and, you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

“Now, give me back my dog.”

—CC—

COW HAIR

This year, three farmers at the Ohio State Fair were disqualified for the discovery that their cows wore hairpieces. According to the Akron Beacon Journal, Kreg Krebs, his brother Kenneth, and Scott Long were arrested for tampering with two Holstein cows. (I didn’t even know cows could be tampered with.)

These three men were accused of gluing and painting hairpieces on the backs of their cows to give them a straighter back, thus enhancing the cows’ appearance in the show ring.

Now, you might think this was odd, but then the state inspectors from the fair were interviewed, they said cases like this are not “highly unusual.”

“It is the first time we have collected enough evidence to prosecute,” reported the inspectors. (I don’t know how many hairpieces you need to have enough evidence, but it seems to me it wouldn’t take many.)

These cows were caught as the inspectors ran their hands over the animals looking for illegal fitting and grooming. Consequently, the two cows were disqualified from the state fair (I tend to believe these cows had no idea they were wearing hairpieces, compliments of their owners, and they should in no way have been penalized) and the men were ordered to forfeit all winnings.

I had two reactions when I read this story. One, it tickled my funny bone. Can you imagine three farmers dressed in overalls and boots wandering around the women’s area of some department store, looking for wigs and hairpieces for their cows? I wondered what they said to the salesperson who asked, “May I help you with something?”

“Yes, can you help us find some cheap, coarselooking hairpieces? We’d prefer white with black spots.”

“Are these for your wives?”

“Oh, no, they’re not for our wives. We need them for someone special – our cows.”

I would love to have seen the reaction on the salesperson’s face. And if she were on her toes, she would probably have shown them several shades of lipstick to complement the hairpieces.

What the judge really should have done was order the men to wear the cow’s hairpieces themselves until the next state fair. Then they would have understood the humiliation they brought on these two “all-beef patties.”

But the farmers’ actions didn’t surprise me; it’s just another story about winning at all costs.

Our society has come to the idea that as long as we come out on top, it doesn’t matter how we get there. And this is a story as old as mankind: “You will not certainly die,’ the serpent said to the women. ‘For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil’’’ (Gen. 3:4,5).

Yes, even in the beginning, we humans have wanted to be on the top, number one. That’s what makes Jesus’ message so radical. It’s about denying yourself, becoming a servant, giving your life for another. He knew if we were left to our own ways, we would end up putting hairpieces on cows to win a contest. But Jesus has a better way for us, and it is the road less traveled.

We might not win first place in this world, but we will be number one in His eyes. And if we do what He tells us, when we face the eternal judgment, He will pronounce to us, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” And that, my friend, is better than any state fair ribbon.

I have found a hair in my hamburger once, maybe even twice. I thought they were human hairs but now I am wondering if they were part of the cow’s hairpiece.

—CC—

As a child I do not remember eating out with a very few exceptions. My mom fixed breakfast and supper and we would take our lunch to school. In the morning and evening, we would nearly always eat together as a family. There were no smartphones or tablets, and we would actually visit. Some of the best times of my life were at the kitchen table. When I read the following, it brought back a lot of memories.

One of the great tragedies of modernday hustle culture is the loss of family dinners around the table. For many today, dinner is simply something you eat in the evening, whether on the go or in front of the television— and it’s usually squeezed between work schedules, commutes, meetings, afterschool activities, and homework. Sometimes it comes from a drivethrough window or is reheated in the microwave, and rarely does it occur for each member of the family at the same time.

However, there are some families that have managed to prioritize eating dinner together, recognizing the many benefits of doing so. Even if schedules allow a sit-down dinner only once or twice each week, the value in making that happen consistently is worth considering.

Connection — Perhaps the most important reason to consider prioritizing family dinner together is the deepened connection it fosters among family members. When family mealtime becomes a habit, conversations flow and ideas and feelings are shared.

Setting aside distractions from the many obligations of life, along with the distraction of digital devices, while partaking in the experience of a simple meal together exemplifies where the proper priorities lie. The blessings of life are on full display to be appreciated, and the sense of belonging to one’s family is enhanced by this simple ritual.

Nutrition — Meals prepared at home tend to be much healthier than the typical meals quickly purchased for convenience. The potential to involve each member of the family in the meal’s preparation can reinforce lessons about good nutrition and flavorful cooking.

According to The Family Dinner Project, shared mealtime has been found to promote better health by lowering the risks of depression, obesity, and eating disorders while improving cardiovascular health and overall eating habits.

Rhythm — Sitting down together as a family regularly and consistently creates a comforting, dependable rhythm to life that everyone can look forward to and rely on. Knowing that your family members value spending time together is a wonderful gift for parents and children alike and strengthens family bonds. This regular activity becomes something to look forward to and acts as a signpost in the day or week.

Tradition — Further, family dinner together becomes a tradition that every member of the family values. The memories made around the dinner table may easily become some of the most treasured. The benefits of the practice may very well be passed on to future generations. So, if you’re looking for something to quell anxieties, improve your family’s health, and strengthen family bonds, simply sit down to dinner together.